This is how you learn
Be careful, know your place, and please do not question, not tonight he isn’t feeling well. This is an education young man, fathers talk about things with their friends that they don’t want their wives to hear. Past indiscretions, future indiscretions, how gay is the kid who doesn’t play football? Mothers talk to their friends about things they would never want their husbands to hear. Dreams longed after, lives they envision, am I happy?. You listen and that’s how you learn.
Fear and yelling and shame. You want for nothing, and you accept the bottles. You accept the apologies and you accept the hurt feelings. Life is not bad, life is great. Sometimes it feels like home is a great big stage your goal is to tip toe, to make as little noise as possible, you don’t want to mess up the performance. There are people here depending on your performance. There is a façade that needs to remain erect. Sometimes too much noise is made and the yelling starts, you see the sadness and you know that you have disrupted the play. The show for that night is ruined, go to bed, better luck tomorrow. Avoid the bottles. You listen and you learn, understand?
The stage has changed, the actor too. Awarded the starring role, it’s time to make decisions. The bottles, of course is the logical start, they have the answer. Try a lot of them, you wake up the next morning with no memory of last nights performance. Huh, try again. More bottles. Wow, now I remember that performance went great. Try again, wake up no memory again. The guilt and the sadness is there. Why? Did I do something? You see the friend you yelled at the night before. You listen to them and you learn.
You listen and you learn and you vow to be different. Your home will not be stage of unwritten rules and tiptoeing intertwined with sadness and guilt. Happiness does not have to balance on the razors edge of meticulous choreography, one wrong move and it is shattered. Happiness is not synonymous with dread and the fear of its end. But, those bottles look good and you did have a long day today. Maybe one won’t hurt….
Please listen and please learn.